In my early years of work I always found it easy to keep going. Work hard, play hard and all that sort of thing. I started early, worked through lunch and kept going as I needed to. These long hours and drive for work are patterns we often establish early in our working lives (and were very much the norm for people working in the 90's and 00's as I was) - and they can be hard to break. We keep going and at some point something gives, might be the body, might be the mind. Looking back I can see the thread of strain showing - I had recurrent back issues throughout my 20s and early 30s, regular allergic reactions and time off work with viruses - but I didn't make the connection with working too hard and not finding balance.
I would take holidays and be exhausted, taking the first few days to slow down before collapsing - I was running too fast and didn't realise I needed to slow down. This will feel true for many of us, and an early focus on career can mean we are too single minded and narrow in our views of our lives. We work hard to live, and there isn't much living being done. This is why some people define themselves by their job - "Hello, nice to meet you - I'm Sarah and I'm a lawyer" and why they are utterly broken by being made redundant - their work is their all.
For those of us who work in HR this focus and identity is an even greater challenge as we can feel a need to be a certain way, act a certain way - be professional, put on our HR face and keep our true selves hidden. The negative response emotion is especially negative amongst professional women. The feeling is that being truly natural would be a weakness or inappropriate in someway.
In my podcast Your HR Career I explore the question "What makes a good HR person?" and frequently came back to this point and the most common guidance people had received from business managers was to show their true selves, be human, be natural and not hide behind the HR banner.
It's worth taking some time to consider how we balance our work selves and our home selves and which is our true selves?
Ideas
Take a moment to reflect:
- Consider yourself as a whole and not split - work person/home person/friend/wife/parent etc. Does any part of this make you uncomfortable? Note which parts and why.
- Do you consider yourself different at home and work? Why do you think that is? Could you use some home skills at work and vice versa?
- Consider the phases of your life so far, have there been many? Are they distinctly different? Has each phase needed different things from you? Note them down.
- Consider running an annual Pie Chart Audit (details below) - perhaps for the new year or new school year?
Actions
Pie Chart Audit - on a blank sheet of paper draw a circle and divide it into 6 sections - Health, Family, Work, Friends, Self, Fun/Growth. Now mark a % of happiness with each section for the last 12 months. Repeat for the next 12 months - now you know where to focus your energies.
Reading Recommendations
Ikigai - Francesc Miralles
Four Thousand Weeks - Oliver Burkeman
Photo by Jeremy Thomas on Unsplash