People pleasers beware this one is going to be hard for you, add in any Gen Z corporate workers and your problems will be really tough.  I am talking about boundaries and saying no to clients or not being available.  Not an easy subject for many of us.


I remember the day Blackberry’s arrived at work - fantastic the ability to see emails anywhere and be available 24/7 - very quickly it was clear this was not really for our benefit but meant work could reach into our personal lives from the mid 90’s onwards and the world of work changed forever.


The latest shift in flexible and home working culture has only added to this challenge so how can we make this work for us and our careers?


My first question to you is what are you scared of?  WIll you get sacked if you don’t answer an email on holiday, will you be disciplined if you don’t take that 8pm phone call?  If the answer is yes to either of those it might be time to find a new job anyway - but really what are we so scared of?


I have been pleasantly surprised by my client’s reactions when I set boundaries - here are two recent examples.


When I started working for myself I wanted/needed to take the summer off (kids etc etc) so I did, and rather than losing work a number of people were jealous/impressed - one even saying it made her feel like I was very organised and “had my shit together”.  Unexpected?


I was delivering a project for a client with agreed deadlines and scheduled project calls, she started calling my ad hoc for general queries and I knew I needed to let her know I wasn’t available for the little calls outside of our regular catch-ups. I frequently work with multiple clients on large projects so ad hoc doesn’t work for me.  I was a little nervous about raising it, so planned what I was going to say and at the end of the next planned call I told her and she said.  No problem and the next day sent me a lovely email thanking me for letting her know my boundaries.  Unexpected?


I share these examples to show that we often predict what people might say as we are scared of the change, but people often don’t mind and the fear is all our own.  Many of us are trying to undo decades of conditioning - and it takes work and bravery but it can be done.


Here’s some of my suggestions to set boundaries in your working life:


Two phones - one for work and one for home


Two laptops - one for work and one for home


Don’t take your phone on holiday


Leave your work phone in the car at the end of the working day


Book your holidays well in advance


Set your own start and end times - if you can’t move straight to contracted hours add a one hour buffer either side.  Contracted 9-5 then no calls or emails before 8 and after 6.


Set your latest time even for busiest periods - I would never work past 7pm no matter what


Idea

What’s the worst thing that can happen if you say no/don’t answer?  Visualise how it could be.


Action

Set a boundary once every week - note how it went and how it felt.  Keep doing it - it gets easier.


Reading

Elizabeth Day - How to fail (book and podcast)


Gretchen Rubin - The Four Tendencies (upholders are her version of people pleasers)




Photo by Jonathan Cooper on Unsplash